No matter where we go we make it home, we gotta lay our head like a rolling stone and we know it’s gonna be ok.
Fall back, crawl back, we all get the concept, the set backs and all that. We miss takes we shoulda took just to catch our breath.

I feel like i’ve been catching my breath for a long time. Day to day. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I can’t even give up right. So what can I do? Just get da f up every day and work through it. Keep busy. Wait. Take in the small victories. Really feel the positive vibes, really appreciate the good things that happen. Make good things happen. Heartbreak, death, mistakes, things that spin out of your control - all of that shit will be with me throughout my life. Yours too I bet. Figuring out how to deal and be happy through it all is the hard part. 

I had a revelation last year about depression and sadness. I always thought that there was some secret that I wasn’t tapping into that would take it all away so that I could just be happy. What did I want? I just wanted to be happy. All the time. But it’s not possible. You can’t just be happy all the time. A wise woman once told me that sadness and depression will always be there. There is no one person that is truly happy all the time. There will always be days where you wake up and things just aren’t going your way. Or weeks, maybe months. But the true victory comes when you build up your toolbox and resources to deal with it in a healthy way. Deal with it. I hated hearing it at the time. I hated the fact that I had to just figure out how to deal with it. But the truth is - it’s going to take forfuckingever to get to a place where being happy is all that I am … it might not ever happen AND, it will be boring because to truly experience and love the highs you must feel the lows. So it is a waste of time, in my humble opinion (and I know that others will disagree, and that’s ok because i’m still learning). I realized that one of the best feelings in the world is overcoming an obstacle - knowing that I just waded through a river of shit and now i’m on the other side and it’s fucking awesome. So I guess the big question is, what’s in my toolbox? What is this toolbox? It’s your motivation. It’s what you can reach out to when you can’t deal. It’s anything at all that you can grab to pull you up out of that scary dark hole full of snakes or things that bite that you might start slipping into. Mine isn’t full yet. But there are a lot of friends in there. A few mentors. There is a bunch of sweet ass music that takes me away and gives me a smile or makes me cry. There’s exercise. And fresh air. And being alone sometimes. And more friends. 

The biggest and hardest step is to ask for help. To tell someone “hey!! things aren’t lookin good here…I could use a talk. Or a hug. Or just sit with me for a minute. Plz.” You don’t have to always cry in cars alone. And stop thinking that you can do it all yourself. Because it will take longer and it won’t be as easy. Start with the little things and go from there. Sulk for a while and then get up and go do something. This helps too. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

Look for some pics in the next post. 

MOXIE: SENIOR ART SHOW, 2012.

As graduation is getting closer, I’m getting sentimental. As everyone does. This has been a really tough, challenging, and exciting year. I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles, personally and academically. At times it didn’t seem possible. But, as this show finally saw it’s opening, the eight of us created some amazing work, defying expectations. I’m really proud of it, and all of us. Having such a small group of great friends (and amazingly supporting professors, life long friends) to go through these past few years together, getting to this opening day, this point in our college careers, has been something that I will always appreciate and hold dear.

We did it. Moxie: Senior Art Show, 2012. Boom.

Sorry to cheeze all over your day, but listen up.

I don’t usually do this. But, as I was listening to my pandora change into a station that didn’t make sense according to the artist I had started with, I was about to use a valuable skip. Until I heard the chorus. It was Who You Are by Jessie J. This feels cheezy, and out of character, but I immediately googled the lyrics:

Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It’s okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are.

Sometimes music has the power to remind you of things that you might have forgotten. Or to show you things in life that you don’t realize because of how clouded your mind might be at the moment. These words (if you can get past the teenpop-iness of the song) are so important in any situation that life might throw at you.

Everybody has set backs, no one is alone in the low parts in life, no one experiences only highs. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your heartbreaks, learn from pain. Become stronger in yourself. Never forget who you are. Don’t let negative feelings control you - they do not make up who you are, they do not define you.

Failures and setbacks define the strength that you have to get back on your feet and get a fresh start. Sometimes you just need a good dose of self confidence (unless you’re an ego-maniac, then I would say you’re all set for a while). Build yourself up everyday, build up those you love as well. They might need it just as much as you do at your moment of weakness. Be true to yourself. Never, ever, ever give up. Continue to be the strong and confident person that you know you are.

Remind yourself of all the positive things that you have in life, in yourself, and hold on to them.

Love yourself, love your friends.

And excuse me again but to make the cheeziness over the top, i’m

1. adding a photo that makes me feel good, and

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2. adding a photo that reminds me of how sassy I was as a child.

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Both remind me of who I am.

Last day here.

Today is my last day in North Carolina. I’ve been here about a month. The warm weather has been really great, I’ve even been able to take a run outside in shorts and a t-shirt. I know the cold will slap me right in the face once I get off the plane on Saturday. 

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I’ve had a really great month with my family. My bro got engaged while I was here, which was really special. I got to hang out with my little bros everyday. We had a great christmas, all together. We had an awesome photo shoot by Chris Brice [family friend and awesome photographer that I totally recommend]. Just being with my family is nice and I’ve cherished it - it doesn’t happen often. 

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But I am homesick and I miss these babies [my boyz!]: 

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So, with that, I’m so happy to have had this month to keep it real with the fam.

I’ve missed you Maine, I’ll be home soon. 

Different Perspective.

…”the political realm within which women struggle for forms of equality, such as democracy, must be disarticulated, not presumed a prioi to be a ‘neutral’ system, except for it’s inability to grant women equality. The system is founded on inequality: hence 'equality in this conetext can involve only the abstract opportunity to become men'.” 

-Helen Molesworth, House Work and Art Work//2000.